Addiction Forgiveness Acceptance
I greatly admire a person that will take a chance, possibly a mistake, and do what their heart tells them.
Quit a job that is unfulfilling, break up with that person that is convenient, comfortable or maybe even mean, move to a new town or country! I admire a simple person set out to do something new and exciting, maybe even scary.
Taking a chance or risk. For themselves. Admirable!
I would like to look in the mirror and not listen to the negative dialogue I hear within, I am actively on this trend, loving myself. I don’t want the readers to feel pity or think I am actively disliking myself. I am on the road. I am taking the purposeful time to change my inner voice, to say positive and loving things about myself, to myself. I am created in Gods image, marvelously created. I love God, so why has it taken me so long to really learn the art of giving myself a break, not comparing myself to others, I mean, God decided how I would look on purpose and it is a lie from the pits of hell that I should alter myself so I can look like someone else to be happy or prettier. That is what I would like to change, the idea that I should change something about myself just to fit in.
What are you most proud of in your life?
When my kids were young, between 14 and 10, I became seriously ill with depression after the divorce of their father and me. I soon after became addicted to drugs and ended up in prison. Their father drank a lot but provided a safe home for them to grow up in and they are young adults now that don’t use drugs, they are all in good jobs. They work hard and now that I’ve been out of prison for 4 years, drug free, we have reconciled. I am proud of them. I am proud of myself. I do however, give God the glory and chose to stay humble because life is hard and I’ve been known to make bad choices so my pride must always stay in check lest I fall.
What’s something most people don’t know about you?
I am outgoing, always smiling. I’m easy to talk to and I listen really well. I listen really well because I don’t care to share, I keep my inner being to myself. I prefer solitude to a party. People are surprised when I tell them I’m introverted because I’m so outgoing open and friendly!!
I do not care for the word lazy. Defined; unwilling to work or use energy. I do, however practice Shabet. I enter into rest, I stop what I am doing, I delight myself and worship my Lord, one day a week. I try, when I have found myself unwilling to work, to make myself get up and do at least one positive thing, example would be, make my bed. I think though, for this prompt, I will ease up and be gentle both on myself and my readers. We need times, days of rest, or laziness. We are a world of constant motion, or news feed, reels, TV, phone calls ect ect. So, I will have to say, that our bodies need this type of day, to truly be unproductive. Renewed, rejuvenated, refreshed and RESTED! This is my short take on what can be a long winded topic!
I am frail, I am weak, I fall short. That, however is not WHO I am!
This all goes with loving myself, forgiving myself and not judging what I have done, what I may do and giving myself not a pass to mess up but love. Be easy on myself. I am not who I used to be. I do not do what I used to do. I am changing, God is developing in me the desire to live a life worthy of the calling and that really begins with love. If I love, pure love, I forgive others and myself. If I love, I do my best at work, for my supervisors and the company. If I love I let things go that bother me. This is not to become a door mat. Standing up for myself is loving who I am as well as loving myself enough to not let other peoples behavior toward me effect me. This is all new to me, this revelation of loving myself in a Godly way. It is not indifferent, it is being at my core a strong oak! Well, that is all for the day!
When I read this scripture in Psalm 4:2 it jumped out of the page and settled into my heart. It resonated with my soul. I wrote last night about me chasing love in my relationships and they always fail. Love and acceptance come from my Lord and that is where I am right now. I am still mourning the man I love but I know that I am not a failure. I am not a loser. I am not unworthy. I am waiting on God. Everyday I seek His word, the truth about myself. I am redeemed and Jesus sacrificed Himself for ME! I have known this all my life but a deeper truth hit me last night. I have to trust God to heal my knee, to put me into a job that will enable me to support myself and I have to let go of the wrong thinking that has entrapped me, enslaved me into people pleasing and the approval addiction I have lingered in. I am a strong woman, a child of God, I am going to make it and I am going to prosper!
Luke 15:3-7 Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.
When I was ten years old my Father gathered me into his fold. He led me beside still waters, He protected me, He lavished me with His love! He anointed me. He had me pass under His rod, He separated me, He sealed me with His Holy Seal. I could FEEL it! Thank you Abba!! As I wait upon you, I can relax. My heavenly Daddy loves me! He has it all taken care of! Just like that little sheep in the picture, we were all lost and hopeless and scared at one time. You can call on Him. He loves you, He hasn’t forgotten you, no matter how far you stray our Good Shepherd will come!
“Anyone who has a continuous smile on his face conceals a toughness that is almost frightening.”
― Greta Garbo
I just read that quote and decided it is my favorite! I have been told I always have a smile on my face, I have been told I am too emotional. I agree with Miss Garbo. I am tough. I feel things strongly and that is OK. I am able to feel things, face things and I am not broken! It is the ones who are able to feel, to understand and articulate those feelings, face them, right or wrong, admit things, openly, authentically that are the fiercest! I like that about me! Hey! Today I found something I like about myself! I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart”
― Helen Keller
Such a beautiful sentiment……if one can keep their feelings in check! I myself struggle daily and often by the minute with my own feelings. So I say one cannot go by feelings alone. They are fickle. Fair weather friends are our feelings. We must think about our thoughts before we decide we can trust our feelings. Put away your feelings for a moment. Yes, our husband forgot to take out the trash, the kids left their toys out and you stepped on one this morning, barefoot. You want to yell, scream and maybe cuss. You are mad. You feel angry or upset. As long as you can control the feeling and not act in your feelings I’d say you are grown and mature. I have yet to meet that goal but I am working on it.
Today, I will not go on feelings alone. I am going to redirect my feelings and thoughts and rethink my thoughts into submission to the Word of God. Be gentle. Be meek, humble and understanding of others and KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!!! Keep me in your prayers LOL, this is quite a personal challenge!!! Have a wonderful day and weekend!!!
After Bella 