When my kids were young, between 14 and 10, I became seriously ill with depression after the divorce of their father and me. I soon after became addicted to drugs and ended up in prison. Their father drank a lot but provided a safe home for them to grow up in and they are young adults now that don’t use drugs, they are all in good jobs. They work hard and now that I’ve been out of prison for 4 years, drug free, we have reconciled. I am proud of them. I am proud of myself. I do however, give God the glory and chose to stay humble because life is hard and I’ve been known to make bad choices so my pride must always stay in check lest I fall.
Step 2: Consider. Consider how the hurt and pain has affected you. …
Step 3: Accept. Accept that you cannot change the past. …
Step 4: Determine. Determine whether or not you will forgive. …
Step 5: Repair. …
Step 6: Learn. …
Step 7: Forgive.
I am on step 4
I want to forgive. I want to move forward. The wrong done comes up though and I find myself reacting and then he reacts to my reaction and its a viscous cycle. I am not perfect and I don’t expect perfection. Moments like this, when I am thrown back in time, reacting, I am at that moment unforgiving and hurt all over again. Any tips on how to handle these moments of memory?
Don’t say it with words, say it with your life! That about sums up any excuse to preach at me about anything. Show me what life can be like. Show me what you mean, live out your example. So when I see how you live, listen to how you talk and I think your way is better than mine and I see a difference in you than I’d like to see in my life, I’ll come ask you. Believe me, I won’t hesitate to talk to you, hear you out and believe what you have to say. We all want something better.. At least I do. So, show me!
Proverbs 18:15, "The intelligent man is always open to new ideas. In fact, he looks for them."
I would love if I could solve problems. You could literally give me your problem and I would solve it…..just like that! No fuss, no stress for anyone. Finances, relationships and with our family/kids, issues would not be a problem because I would be after all
What does be your best self mean to you? I am pretty sure I know what it means for me, Be Your Best Self is a cast of words, regal words. They imply happiness and contentment. Then I will tell you, sadly, no I am not living my best life.
What started off as what I shouldn’t do who I shouldn’t see and how could this not go wrong, overtime has become a little more right every day and I’ll admit we face some challenges but the right far out weighs the wrong and not looking too far ahead keeps us in the moment and I think our moments are pretty amazing and what started off as all wrong, today seems all right.
There is the beginning to consider. Yes, I must examine how it began, how it ended and how, upon looking back, there must have been a moment. A moment that I could have stopped it and it all not began. Somehow, I missed it.
My blog is called After Bella, I also have a little something I am working on called Becoming Bella. If there is an After then there must be a before. These are some of the things I post there, I hope you enjoy!
I remember you. Is this trembling from fear, or the scent of you. What do I fear? The loss of you. What fears taunt my mind? The loss of you. Oh my love. I love you so. You. Oh the loss of you. So different do we think and so separate do we love. I remember you. When you kissed me for the very first time. Or every first we’ve had together. I remember you. I am so afraid I’m losing you that….. I’m afraid my fears caught up to me and now I am losing you. How do you stop the past from catching up to you and the future from destroying….. you. Is it true? There is no future there never was a future. Not for me and you. I love you. Every part of you. I never was enough for you. You have every part of me. You. I have to let go Tell me how do I stop loving you. You love how I love you. You don’t love me. I have to learn to forget you. But. I remember you. Where is your mind? Where is your heart? I don’t know anything about you. You are the biggest lie I’ve ever sold myself for. Or perhaps I lost you because I am not meant for you. Did I think this into existence? This loss of you? In your heart I know you’ve set your face to loving me but do you really? You. This trembling for the touch of you. I love you. There is so much noise inside my head I often can’t hear you. I don’t know what to believe. I don’t want to ever lose you. When you kiss me, did you know? It’s always like first time with you? Oh I am so afraid. I can’t image a day without you. You. I remember you. Is this trembling from fear, or the scent of you. What do I fear? The loss of you. What fears taunt my mind? The loss of you. Oh my love. I love you so. You. Oh the loss of you. I remember you
After Bella 
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