I was pretty nervous. My method of staying calm was by looking up towards the back of the congregation and sweeping my eyes across the room, smiling as I spoke and having written really good notes to go by! I was 15 years old.
Tag Archives: inspirational
Loving You
You are Wonderous and Marvelous. My Creator, my Father, my Healer, my Comforter. You are the smile on my face when I walk in hard times and the Joy in my heart when I don’t see an answer. You are my very best Friend. I love you
I met you at a young age. I had an encounter with you that completely changed my life. You came to me. You spoke directly to me as a little girl. In my parents’ room. You told me you loved me and that you would not leave me nor forsake me and that you would protect me and lead me as a Shephard leads his precious flock. I belong to you. I love you.
Precious Redeemer, never stop teaching me. Open my eyes to your truth. Keep me from disobedience. That I may please you and always be a pleasing aroma to you. That I sacrifice my fleshly desires and carry my cross. Create in me a loyal heart. A tender heart for you. So that I may tell the peoples of all you have done for me and how much you love them.
When I do not know the answers Father, I ask you to still me. Quiet my mind, be still my heart and as I wait with patient endurance, I call to remembrance all the good things that you have done for me and my countenance is lifted. I know that no good thing will you withhold from me. That you will perfect all that concerns me. I give you my thanks, my love and my fidelity. Oh how I love you!!
My kids & myself
What are you most proud of in your life?
When my kids were young, between 14 and 10, I became seriously ill with depression after the divorce of their father and me. I soon after became addicted to drugs and ended up in prison. Their father drank a lot but provided a safe home for them to grow up in and they are young adults now that don’t use drugs, they are all in good jobs. They work hard and now that I’ve been out of prison for 4 years, drug free, we have reconciled. I am proud of them. I am proud of myself. I do however, give God the glory and chose to stay humble because life is hard and I’ve been known to make bad choices so my pride must always stay in check lest I fall.
Forgetting
Don’t look back, forget it
Let go, let it go and
Don’t look back
Look ahead. That’s all new
Press on, strive for it. Reach
Focus on now, not then
Don’t try to remember, remember when?
That’s been done, it’s over. Finished
This is now. Right now. To begin
Let’s begin Let’s all breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. Now stop. It’s gone. It’s over. Don’t take it back. Forget it …….. stay forgetting
I value being alone
What’s something most people don’t know about you?
I am outgoing, always smiling. I’m easy to talk to and I listen really well. I listen really well because I don’t care to share, I keep my inner being to myself. I prefer solitude to a party. People are surprised when I tell them I’m introverted because I’m so outgoing open and friendly!!
Facing the Truth
I need to be honest
I was shown something today. I have to take responsibility for my own actions. When you are in a relationship with a controller it is our responsibility to follow our heart and follow what God says. I let my fear of rejection and fear of being alone keep me in an unhealthy relationship. I never said no. What he wanted for dinner was what we had. Where we went was wherever he wanted to go. He even told me one time one of the things he loved about me was that I never said no to him! That eventually gave me feelings of bitterness, feelings of even lower self worth and I harbored grudges toward a man I could have said no to and kept my self respect! I am thankful that God is showing me truths about myself. In this I can change, I can say no and I will in the future!
Revelation
The Word is Truth
When I read this scripture in Psalm 4:2 it jumped out of the page and settled into my heart. It resonated with my soul. I wrote last night about me chasing love in my relationships and they always fail. Love and acceptance come from my Lord and that is where I am right now. I am still mourning the man I love but I know that I am not a failure. I am not a loser. I am not unworthy. I am waiting on God. Everyday I seek His word, the truth about myself. I am redeemed and Jesus sacrificed Himself for ME! I have known this all my life but a deeper truth hit me last night. I have to trust God to heal my knee, to put me into a job that will enable me to support myself and I have to let go of the wrong thinking that has entrapped me, enslaved me into people pleasing and the approval addiction I have lingered in. I am a strong woman, a child of God, I am going to make it and I am going to prosper!
I am not alone
This is my first post in a long time. I am undergoing a transition in my life. I once wrote about my first experience with God at age ten. Psalm 23. I read it and I cried. I knew he was speaking directly to me. Later in life I looked toward men for my approval, for love, for acceptance. I lowered my standards, I did not set or keep boundaries. I ignored the voice inside me that said no. I quieted the voice inside that said, that’s not love. I put men in front of God. The acceptance of the man in my life, his love, was an idol. So, as I heal from my recent relationship I have asked forgiveness from God. He has sent woman to feed me the word and truth. There is a brother of mine that has ministered to my soul and spirit. You know who you are! I am on my way now! I never recognized this pattern in my life before. I see truth now. I have revelation. Thank you Jesus! So, truth sets us free! I am not alone! God is with me, he comforts me, his rod and staff protect me. He leads me beside still waters and has my lie in green pastures. I dont understand or know my future, but I believe truth and the truth, the Word says God has a good plan for me, I will receive double recompense for my sorrow and He will restore what the locusts have eaten, I will have beauty for my ashes and I will not be shamed. I will be a lender and not a borrower! I am on my way! I am excited!
Thirsty Thursday
In your thirst for knowledge, be sure not to drown in all the information. …
Ecclesiastes 12:12 KJV: And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.
K.I.S.S. Keep It Simple Stupid
rehab
So many theories, so many opinions
John 14:6 ... “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.” King James ..
So many religions, so many people trying this and that. It is so simple. Jesus. He is the answer.
John 4:13-14 Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.” Matthew 5:6 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. Isaiah 44:3 For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. John 7:37 Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink.
Do not let me mislead you, there are many more scriptures on thirsting for the Jesus, these are just a few. If you want to know, ask, if you are seeking you will find but seek you must. The answers are there. You do not have to ask someone, ask God. Then open up the living Word! I pray you are blessed and that the burning quest for knowledge you are searching for be found in the Lord!
Wednesday’s Wake Up
Everything he ever said, every promise….
“If your actions don’t live up to your words, you have nothing to say.”
― DaShanne Stokes
“…they speak great swelling words of emptiness…” ― 2 Peter 2 18
With every broken promise
There comes a time when the person lying can no longer be responsible for the breaking of your heart. You are responsible for your own heart ache. When I realized this I was still heart broke. That I let myself down. That I let someone time after time and time again get my hopes up. I wanted to believe in the love I thought we shared. I wanted to believe. There are just some things and people we are not and were never meant to know, to love or to believe in. The journey is our choice to some extent and I am ready to become my own hero, my own advocate and as my daughter recently said, become independent and learn to use my own voice and use it LOUDLY!!!!
After Bella 