Addiction Forgiveness Acceptance
Don’t look back, forget it
Let go, let it go and
Don’t look back
Look ahead. That’s all new
Press on, strive for it. Reach
Focus on now, not then
Don’t try to remember, remember when?
That’s been done, it’s over. Finished
This is now. Right now. To begin
Let’s begin Let’s all breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. Now stop. It’s gone. It’s over. Don’t take it back. Forget it …….. stay forgetting
“Thus speaks the Lord God of Israel, saying; ‘Write in a book for yourself all the Words I have spoken to you’
Jeremiah 30:2
God revealed that scripture while I sat in Dallas County Jail waiting to go to prison. This is the beginning of all He spoke to me while in prison. I rode my bunk as they say for two years, and studied. My mom, bless her heart, sent me dictionaries to define words that stuck out or that I felt compelled to understand on a deeper level, she sent me devotionals and when there was no more room in my locker, she hand wrote me from Strongs Concordance. Thank you momma! It was because you kept me in pen and paper that I could write these down.
Luke 9:62 But Jesus said to him, " No one having put his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.
Luke 9:23,24 Then He said to them all " If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his own cross daily and follow me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose his life but whoever loses his life for my sake will save his life" Mark 8:37 Or what will a man give in exchange for his life?
Luke 17:32 Remember Lots wife? He who seeks his on life will loose it. Genesis 19:26 But Lots wife looked back behind her and she became a pillar of salt
This regards to wanting to want to follow Jesus but still having other priorities and or desires. Or perhaps perhaps looking back on an addiction you have broken free from and what happens when we think too much about something? We are more than likely going to to go back to it. Our thoughts eventually become actions.
Our lives will never be greater than the cause we live for, ourselves or God. Do you desire earthy love and recognition, or heavenly love and recognition? Happiness or Holiness? Favor with man or God?
Well, once again I’m in a lesson. My county insurance dropped me. My boyfriend bought me additional insurance so the county dropped me but the paid for insurance doesn’t cover physical therapy. My ACL is severed and I have a grade 11 MCL tear so I need the therapy. He is stressed. I was stressed and even heart broke.
I’ve been told once my knee is healed I have to leave my residence. So now I’m in a pickle. God, what do you want me to do?
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding
I do not understand my circumstances but I do believe, rely, trust and have CONFIDENCE in my Heavenly Father that whatever His plans are, they are good, His thoughts toward me are good and He will never leave me or forsake me!
Before I was a daughter, a wife a mother, a friend or a girlfriend, I was Gods. I am a child of God. There is no one who cares for me more. I lay this lesson, this testing of my faith, at my Kings feet. Here’s my mess. Do with me whatever you will, for it is your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Thank you Jesus. Give me this day my daily bread and lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from the evil one. Forgive me my debts as I forgive my debtors, for yours is the kingdom!
Why is Friday so far from Monday and yet, Monday so close to Friday?
Unknown
Another week has passed. I looked away for just a moment on what was it? Monday? Now, it’s Friday. As fast as the week goes, the weekend goes faster. This is exactly why I like to take stock, breathe, and be mindful. Of it all. Everything. Everyone. Appreciate the time because time is it’s own master. Or rather, God is. Our times are in His hands. I have learned that I worry. I fret. I Brood, bother and fuss. Over anything, everything, nothing and then some! I make lists. Lists of lists I should make! Like a dog gnawing on a bone, I think and think and think of things I need to think! So, I am relearning to lessen my load, lighten my burden by casting my cares, my worries…all my what if’s at my Jesus’s feet. He is the Author and Finisher of this life. There is nothing I could imagine or plan that could compare to His glorious plan for me. Today, I am mindful of how small I am, but a vapor and all that I know will be gone. I am going to be thankful and relax knowing that He has everything under His control and it is all in His time…not mine!
My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me. Psalm 31:15
If my time is in His care then I will not fall
Today I purposely choose my thoughts. When I wake up mad, I choose to let it go. I choose peace over pride. I choose love over hate. This doesn’t mean I am a door rug or that I do not matter. I matter to the one that settles matters. If a known “Christian” and leader in the community chooses mean words to say and if this same person chooses to cast me aside and out, then I trust God to make matters right for me because I am precious to God. I have to find a new place to live because my covering is lifted. I really am not worried, I know God is taking me not away from a great place but taking me away from the wrong place. It helps to know this is n my soul, it helps me not be angry and the complete unjust words thrown at me. We all pay for the things we say and do, ad if you have never had to pay because your parents paid for you, you wont understand this. All you think about is what you feel and what you think you deserve We all deserve death but we are saved by GRACE, no one is above his or under it. We are saved!!!!!! I am SAVED!!!! I am worry free this Tuesday!!!!
Today I focus on “Today”. Forgetting what lay behind, I press forward. I will go to my closet to cry, I will press past any pain, I will love. Love does not blame, it does not remember any wrong, it thinks only good and love covers all sin.
Today I am thankful to have been raised hearing and learning about God. I thank God for my mom and dad, for my kids, for my freedom from prison and freedom from drugs and alcohol. Thank you Father that you put the desire inside me to change, because I know that anything good comes from you.
This is where I follow scripture and as in Jeremiah 30:2 “I am the Lord, I am the God of Israel, I say :Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you”
December 30, 2021
After fourth grade my parents put me in home school…..we had moved out to the country to have our horses with us on a farm. I had no friends, as I got older my social skills were lacking. I was naive and extremely vulnerable. I was desperately lonely and in need of Jesus.
“Before we make friends with anyone else, we must first make friends with ourselves”
Eleanor Roosevelt
I had a difficult time making friends as a young girl. I was home schooled in the late eighties and we just didn’t have the resources we have now. That and my already insecure feelings, when I met a girl and tried to become friends I didn’t have the ability to really maintain friendships. Moving forward….
My first experience with God was when I was ten years old. I was in my room reading the Bible and Psalms 23 jumped out of the page and came alive to me. God was my Shepherd, He personally led me to still waters and His staff and rod protected me! I broke down into tears. He became my friend that day. I wasn’t alone. I was loved!
That moment sustained me through my early years but Satan attacked me through sexual, verbal and physical abuse. Like many girls and boys who endure silently the hole abuse digs into your heart and mind I began to act out. I didn’t act out really so much as I began to act in. The voices in my head telling me I was guilty. I was wrong. In a self loathing mental break I gave up my beloved horses. I believe my divorce and eventual break in my relationship with my kids was the same reaction to the shame I felt. I separated myself from anything beautiful in my life. In my teens I threw away my trophies from horse shows in a rage of self hatred and shame.
I was caught with drugs in 2018 and sentenced to prison time, I sat down and finally had to listen to what God had to say to me.
“Our prisons and our jails are now our mental health institutions.
“
Hillary Clinton
Continue reading “Today, I am choosing to like myself.”
After Bella 
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