Tag Archives: Dark

Steps to Forgiveness

7 Steps to True Forgiveness

  • Step 1: Acknowledge. Acknowledge the hurt. …
  • Step 2: Consider. Consider how the hurt and pain has affected you. …
  • Step 3: Accept. Accept that you cannot change the past. …
  • Step 4: Determine. Determine whether or not you will forgive. …
  • Step 5: Repair. …
  • Step 6: Learn. …
  • Step 7: Forgive.

I am on step 4

I want to forgive. I want to move forward. The wrong done comes up though and I find myself reacting and then he reacts to my reaction and its a viscous cycle. I am not perfect and I don’t expect perfection. Moments like this, when I am thrown back in time, reacting, I am at that moment unforgiving and hurt all over again. Any tips on how to handle these moments of memory?

You

I remember you. Is this trembling from fear, or the scent of you. What do I fear? The loss of you. What fears taunt my mind? The loss of you. Oh my love. I love you so. You. Oh the loss of you. So different do we think and so separate do we love. I remember you. When you kissed me for the very first time. Or every first we’ve had together. I remember you. I am so afraid I’m losing you that….. I’m afraid my fears caught up to me and now I am losing you. How do you stop the past from catching up to you and the future from destroying….. you. Is it true? There is no future there never was a future. Not for me and you. I love you. Every part of you. I never was enough for you. You have every part of me. You. I have to let go Tell me how do I stop loving you. You love how I love you. You don’t love me. I have to learn to forget you. But. I remember you. Where is your mind? Where is your heart? I don’t know anything about you. You are the biggest lie I’ve ever sold myself for. Or perhaps I lost you because I am not meant for you. Did I think this into existence? This loss of you? In your heart I know you’ve set your face to loving me but do you really? You. This trembling for the touch of you. I love you. There is so much noise inside my head I often can’t hear you. I don’t know what to believe. I don’t want to ever lose you. When you kiss me, did you know? It’s always like first time with you? Oh I am so afraid. I can’t image a day without you. You. I remember you. Is this trembling from fear, or the scent of you. What do I fear? The loss of you. What fears taunt my mind? The loss of you. Oh my love. I love you so. You. Oh the loss of you. I remember you

Hello Grief

you are not alone
#thestruggleisreal#grief

Hello Grief. I was wondering when I’d see your face today. I’d say it was nice to see you but it would be nice to see you forget me. Oh! I see you brought your friends along. Hello Guilt, hello Shame. Well come on in, make yourself comfortable. I know your agenda, so let’s not pretend this is social. Take a seat. Roll the film, it’s show time! There’s my Shame! There you are Guilt! You two  never leave my side. Oh and look! You both know that perfect pitch to synchronize yourselves with Grief, so that you all three are felt as one, bitter sweet memory. One never ending slow progression to this one exact precise moment. My awakening. Indeed, my reckoning, I have this moment every day. Sometimes once, sometimes many times a day. Well, today I’m gonna seize the moment and momentarily I’m allowing myself to accept what I find truly unacceptable. That hard task, the challenge of being me 

My Abyss

Me during my addiction

I gave it all away, just to take it all back. I have once again reached into that great lonely abyss, my addiction and claimed it as my own, knowing that it takes all that I have, knowing it is all freely given. I remember walking away but I’m unclear why or what had me look back but I do know that I did. We all have afflictions. I myself have had quite a few. By far the most challenging would be my heroin addiction. My drug addiction is my most painful affliction. How could I have come so far to digress even farther? How could I take ten steps forward and a hundred back? I shake my head, then lower my head, in shame. I can’t answer that, not for you. Certainly not for me. I just know that right now, I am not really living anymore, barely existing in a valley of pain. Sorrow is all around me. Now, when I saw that abyss, it wasn’t sad, it was beautiful and perfect, like it always is, for the first time. Like every other time, I left everything I love for that deep dark lonely painful abyss that is my addiction Once again, It’s sad. Their sad and most of the time I’m sad. I don’t have to ask myself . I already know the answer. I’m not at all who I used to be. I’m not at all who I could be. My personal abyss, my chosen fissure of affliction, slowly over time did bring me down in the chains I myself had offered. It took everything I had and then it did take my life