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#Bloganuary

I cant really remember ever getting out of my comfort zone. I want to say even, that that is something I am very good at avoiding. There are two ways putting yourself in that situation can go. It can be very good for someone to stretch or broaden their horizon, so to speak. It can also be frightening and trigger some unwanted emotional responses or even psychological problems that produce some pretty strong physical responses.

I do have a time I can share with you all, one of the biggest moments in my adult life, concerning my daughter and her horse. I wrote and referred in #Bloganuary first prompt that I grew up riding horses and wanting to show my horse. I developed anxiety at an early age and by the time I was in my early teens, my competition days were over. I would sweat profusely. I would feel like I couldn’t breathe. Well, I raised my kids on a farm. We had goats, chickens and horses. So of course, I taught my daughter how to ride and do some barrel racing. I knew in the back of my mind she would want to compete. She is my daughter, we are so much alike! I dreaded the question I knew she was going to ask. I knew it because I had told her the previous year she was too young. Oh yeah, she was going to ask. And she did. She pinned me down with, “Mom, you told me last year I couldn’t barrel race and the year before that you told me, next year” I was sweating already, I could barely breathe. I turned around, away from my little girl, I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t fair. I knew she wanted to go. She deserved to go. I remember wanting to go to a horse show too. How could I let her down? This was a moment I knew would come. I had been dreading it, for me, it was the moment I would face my fears or I let my fears break my daughters heart. You see, I was and am very comfortable riding horses. I just cant compete. At an early age my father told me he had seen me practicing with my horse doing the clover leaf barrel racing pattern, he told me I looked like a fool and he wasn’t taking me. I was crushed. Devastated. At the least, I lost all belief in myself and at the worst my father wasn’t proud of me and didn’t think I was any good. I never competed again. I rode an I trained horses and gave riding lessons but I could not would not ever again enter the arena. I developed severe anxiety. How could I take my daughter to a horse show when I couldn’t be around an arena. The mere thought of it sent me into the bathroom with stomach cramps, dizziness, breathlessness and drenched in sweat. My anxiety overwhelmed me. I cried for awhile in my bathroom. I didn’t stay too long in the bathroom. I had to take her. I would not let my fears break my little girls heart. I got really uncomfortable the week before her playday event. I did a lot of self talk. The morning of the event I would love to tell you I was fine. I wasn’t. I hitched up the trailer, loaded the horse and kids and off we went. She had a blast. I enjoyed watching her. My daughter won ribbons and a trophy that day! All the kids had fun, while I wouldn’t say that day I had a break through of any sort, I was able to provide a good time for the kids,

Sometimes we have to get out of a comfort zone and get really uncomfortable. That is living,