Addiction Forgiveness Acceptance
Don’t look back, forget it
Let go, let it go and
Don’t look back
Look ahead. That’s all new
Press on, strive for it. Reach
Focus on now, not then
Don’t try to remember, remember when?
That’s been done, it’s over. Finished
This is now. Right now. To begin
Let’s begin Let’s all breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. Now stop. It’s gone. It’s over. Don’t take it back. Forget it …….. stay forgetting
I am frail, I am weak, I fall short. That, however is not WHO I am!
This all goes with loving myself, forgiving myself and not judging what I have done, what I may do and giving myself not a pass to mess up but love. Be easy on myself. I am not who I used to be. I do not do what I used to do. I am changing, God is developing in me the desire to live a life worthy of the calling and that really begins with love. If I love, pure love, I forgive others and myself. If I love, I do my best at work, for my supervisors and the company. If I love I let things go that bother me. This is not to become a door mat. Standing up for myself is loving who I am as well as loving myself enough to not let other peoples behavior toward me effect me. This is all new to me, this revelation of loving myself in a Godly way. It is not indifferent, it is being at my core a strong oak! Well, that is all for the day!
I enjoyed my blog challenge and hope to participate in more!! I met some cool bloggers and I wrote even when I was tired or busy, a good habit to make and my procrastination though lingering still, I feel like it is a habit I am willing to break!!! Take care and hopefully will see each other again soon!
How are you changing the world?
“Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.”
Neil Postman
I change the world with raising honest, compassionate, hard working, ethical and loving children into the world as grown men and woman who are honest, compassionate, hard working, ethical and have hearts that love.
My greatest accomplishment are my children. I have watched them grow into mature adults with great pride.
Myself
“When a man is denied the right to live the life he believes in, he has no choice but to become an outlaw.“
Nelson Mandela
The Nelson Mandela quote is hands down, the best quote, the best words even! I had these words running across my mind back when I was a fugitive on the run from the law, you can be sure!
The Henry Thomas Buckle quote is the second best, such a big truth behind such a little quote!
Society prepares the crime; the criminal commits it.”
— Henry Thomas Buckle
Justice is a whore that won’t let herself be stiffed, and collects the wages of shame even from the poor.
Karl Kraus (1874-1936)
“A criminal mind needs consideration rather than the criminal itself. In truth, there are more criminals than those who committed a crime.”
― Harshit Walia
“The criminal is the creative artist; the detective only the critic.”
― G.K. Chesterton
“There’s no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren’t enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws.”
― Ayn Rand
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender. -Tupac Shakur
“Good. Illegal is always faster.”
― Eoin Colfer
“Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime.”
― Aristotle
I have a few but let me think for a minute and I’ll tell you about one. In 2020 I was released from prison. Upon my release I had to see parole and find out about my parole restrictions and requirements. These are them.
So, here I am, without a drivers license and to get it back I had to pay restitution, $100.00 The class was $100.00 and I had to find a ride to and from work. Let alone, I needed to find a job. These are tough things to accomplish when you have no car or drivers license and all your friends still do drugs and are hollering at you via social media, tempting you to go over and get high, or asking if I was gonna sell again. So I stopped talking to all of them. A few I still talk to today, but its like a Slim Shady slim list. Well, I lived with my brother and mom, my mom drove me to work. Oh yea, I forgot to tell you I got a job less than a quarter mile away. What a blessing! Well, I made $10.00 an hour at a warehouse packing fruits and vegetables for orders to be delivered, so it took a while to save all that money and live . I did it though, so it can be done. I made it work living with my brother and mom by staying humble. Anyway, within a month and a half, I took the class I needed, a week long by the way. Tedious to say the least. Once I completed the class I had to buy insurance even though I had no car, it was just another hassle parole put on you to make things difficult. So I got the insurance. After I got my certificate for taking the class and paid the restitution fees I waited for the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicle)to release me so I could get my licences back. That took a little over two weeks. I started dating Andy by then and he took it upon himself to help me then save and buy a car. Those days before Andy, even when I was with Andy, when I wasn’t with him I was lonely. I couldn’t go see him. He lived in Arlington and I lived forty minutes away. So I was lonely, car less, friendless but not hopeless! I am proud of myself for doing the right thing. I could have just driven and been liable if something went wrong. It was best for me to work hard and truly appreciate the feeling of overcoming an obstacle that was pretty big!
If I could go back and talk to my teenage self I would like to talk to my 10 year old self. I would say don’t listen to your dad. Don’t! I would tell her to not destroy her trophies, you deserve them. I would tell her not to push away the good things and people, hold onto them. Your family does not define you. Your unique and embrace that. Embrace all that is you. That day you stopped believing in your gifts and talents, when your dad told you that you looked like a fool on you horse and he wouldn’t take you to the horse show, you have to stop believing that. Your dad was just lazy and he didn’t want to take you. Your gifted. I would tell her to always do the right thing. You usually do but there have been a couple times you missed the mark. Stay on your course. You are worthy, you are love able and special! When you start to get really depressed and you don’t talk or move and you isolate yourself, I want you to get help. Talk to someone. If you don’t talk about what is going on it won’t stop and you’ll hate your self more until you start to hurt yourself. Stay in school. Tell your mom and dad you don’t want to homeschool and mark your own way. Create the life you want. Think about it. Picture it. Love yourself. Do daily affirmations, get them from the Bible, from your head, think of ten positive things for every negative you think. Start your book and never stop writing. Believe in yourself. Say it! I BELIEVE IN ME. I CAN DO ANYTHING I AM STRONG I AM SMART I AM A GOOD PERSON I AM LOVED GOOD THINGS ARE LOOKING FOR ME. Say whatever your next thinks up as long as its good. I know you. I know your ur self talk is not positive but I know you want to be different because your are different People love you. You are a light in this world and you shine!!!
This is how I got my favorite toy, that I called Coyote.
I was a very imaginative ten year old. I would go out in the back yard and gallop like a horse. I set up jumps all over and me and my horse Coyote would run and jump the course. Or we would chase outlaws, or be chased. I loved my imagination. It took me wherever I wanted to go. I was a pretty avid reader as well. One day, a week or or so before Christmas in 1985 my dad came outside and told me to come inside and change, we had to go. I asked him where we were going and in one sentence, one spoken word, my dreams and all my prayers came true. My dad looked down at me and said ‘ We are going to go pick up your horse!’ I tell you the truth when I say I fell to my knees and cried. I cried even more when he told me he was a paint, then I cried more when he told me his name Coyote.
I cant really remember ever getting out of my comfort zone. I want to say even, that that is something I am very good at avoiding. There are two ways putting yourself in that situation can go. It can be very good for someone to stretch or broaden their horizon, so to speak. It can also be frightening and trigger some unwanted emotional responses or even psychological problems that produce some pretty strong physical responses.
I do have a time I can share with you all, one of the biggest moments in my adult life, concerning my daughter and her horse. I wrote and referred in #Bloganuary first prompt that I grew up riding horses and wanting to show my horse. I developed anxiety at an early age and by the time I was in my early teens, my competition days were over. I would sweat profusely. I would feel like I couldn’t breathe. Well, I raised my kids on a farm. We had goats, chickens and horses. So of course, I taught my daughter how to ride and do some barrel racing. I knew in the back of my mind she would want to compete. She is my daughter, we are so much alike! I dreaded the question I knew she was going to ask. I knew it because I had told her the previous year she was too young. Oh yeah, she was going to ask. And she did. She pinned me down with, “Mom, you told me last year I couldn’t barrel race and the year before that you told me, next year” I was sweating already, I could barely breathe. I turned around, away from my little girl, I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t fair. I knew she wanted to go. She deserved to go. I remember wanting to go to a horse show too. How could I let her down? This was a moment I knew would come. I had been dreading it, for me, it was the moment I would face my fears or I let my fears break my daughters heart. You see, I was and am very comfortable riding horses. I just cant compete. At an early age my father told me he had seen me practicing with my horse doing the clover leaf barrel racing pattern, he told me I looked like a fool and he wasn’t taking me. I was crushed. Devastated. At the least, I lost all belief in myself and at the worst my father wasn’t proud of me and didn’t think I was any good. I never competed again. I rode an I trained horses and gave riding lessons but I could not would not ever again enter the arena. I developed severe anxiety. How could I take my daughter to a horse show when I couldn’t be around an arena. The mere thought of it sent me into the bathroom with stomach cramps, dizziness, breathlessness and drenched in sweat. My anxiety overwhelmed me. I cried for awhile in my bathroom. I didn’t stay too long in the bathroom. I had to take her. I would not let my fears break my little girls heart. I got really uncomfortable the week before her playday event. I did a lot of self talk. The morning of the event I would love to tell you I was fine. I wasn’t. I hitched up the trailer, loaded the horse and kids and off we went. She had a blast. I enjoyed watching her. My daughter won ribbons and a trophy that day! All the kids had fun, while I wouldn’t say that day I had a break through of any sort, I was able to provide a good time for the kids,
Sometimes we have to get out of a comfort zone and get really uncomfortable. That is living,
After Bella 
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