Tag Archives: blog

My kids & myself

What are you most proud of in your life?

When my kids were young, between 14 and 10, I became seriously ill with depression after the divorce of their father and me. I soon after became addicted to drugs and ended up in prison. Their father drank a lot but provided a safe home for them to grow up in and they are young adults now that don’t use drugs, they are all in good jobs. They work hard and now that I’ve been out of prison for 4 years, drug free, we have reconciled. I am proud of them. I am proud of myself. I do however, give God the glory and chose to stay humble because life is hard and I’ve been known to make bad choices so my pride must always stay in check lest I fall.

I am not alone

This is my first post in a long time. I am undergoing a transition in my life. I once wrote about my first experience with God at age ten. Psalm 23. I read it and I cried. I knew he was speaking directly to me. Later in life I looked toward men for my approval, for love, for acceptance. I lowered my standards, I did not set or keep boundaries. I ignored the voice inside me that said no. I quieted the voice inside that said, that’s not love. I put men in front of God. The acceptance of the man in my life, his love, was an idol. So, as I heal from my recent relationship I have asked forgiveness from God. He has sent woman to feed me the word and truth. There is a brother of mine that has ministered to my soul and spirit. You know who you are! I am on my way now! I never recognized this pattern in my life before. I see truth now. I have revelation. Thank you Jesus! So, truth sets us free! I am not alone! God is with me, he comforts me, his rod and staff protect me. He leads me beside still waters and has my lie in green pastures. I dont understand or know my future, but I believe truth and the truth, the Word says God has a good plan for me, I will receive double recompense for my sorrow and He will restore what the locusts have eaten, I will have beauty for my ashes and I will not be shamed. I will be a lender and not a borrower! I am on my way! I am excited!

Ninety Nine

Luke 15:3-7  Then Jesus told them this parable:  “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

When I was ten years old my Father gathered me into his fold. He led me beside still waters, He protected me, He lavished me with His love! He anointed me. He had me pass under His rod, He separated me, He sealed me with His Holy Seal. I could FEEL it! Thank you Abba!! As I wait upon you, I can relax. My heavenly Daddy loves me! He has it all taken care of! Just like that little sheep in the picture, we were all lost and hopeless and scared at one time. You can call on Him. He loves you, He hasn’t forgotten you, no matter how far you stray our Good Shepherd will come!

Tuesday’s Trust

Trusting God

The word trust means an assure reliance on the character, ability or strength of someone or something.. To place confidence ~ expect confidently.

Example: When I go to my car and turn the key, I know my car, I know it will start. I do not question, wonder or hope it starts, I have developed trust in my car. As we develop a relationship we become assured of Gods character, His ability and His Word. His Word is truth.

Truth is defined as sincerity in action and/or character and utterance: Fidelity, constancy, the state of being the case; Fact.

This Tuesday, I will focus on the Truth.

I can Trust God

I can rely and trust God. He is working things out. He may be behind the scene where I can’t keep my eye on it, I can’t control it which is scary because I am human, I want to work things out myself. Which is funny on account I myself have made a pretty big mess of my life! I have scrambled around, I have tried to manipulate things and people, force my own agenda and control situations and it always blows up in my face! Instead of trying harder today and moving forward I will trust harder

Co$t of the Cro$$

The Co$t of Discipleship

“Thus speaks the Lord God of Israel, saying; ‘Write in a book for yourself all the Words I have spoken to you’

Jeremiah 30:2

God revealed that scripture while I sat in Dallas County Jail waiting to go to prison. This is the beginning of all He spoke to me while in prison. I rode my bunk as they say for two years, and studied. My mom, bless her heart, sent me dictionaries to define words that stuck out or that I felt compelled to understand on a deeper level, she sent me devotionals and when there was no more room in my locker, she hand wrote me from Strongs Concordance. Thank you momma! It was because you kept me in pen and paper that I could write these down.

Luke 9:62  
But Jesus said to him, " No one having put his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.
Luke 9:23,24
Then He said to them all " If anyone desires to come after me, let him deny himself, take up his own cross daily and follow me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose his life but whoever loses his life for my sake will save his life"

Mark 8:37
Or what will a man give in exchange for his life?

Luke 17:32 
Remember Lots wife? He who seeks his on life will loose it.

Genesis 19:26
But Lots wife looked back behind her and she became a pillar of salt

This regards to wanting to want to follow Jesus but still having other priorities and or desires. Or perhaps perhaps looking back on an addiction you have broken free from and what happens when we think too much about something? We are more than likely going to to go back to it. Our thoughts eventually become actions.

Our lives will never be greater than the cause we live for, ourselves or God. Do you desire earthy love and recognition, or heavenly love and recognition? Happiness or Holiness? Favor with man or God?

What are you seeking?

  • Happiness
  • Holiness
  • Recognition
  • Wealth
  • Jesus
  • Popularity

FinallyFriday

The Most Favorite Day Of The Week!!

Why is Friday so far from Monday and yet, Monday so close to Friday?

Unknown

Another week has passed. I looked away for just a moment on what was it? Monday? Now, it’s Friday. As fast as the week goes, the weekend goes faster. This is exactly why I like to take stock, breathe, and be mindful. Of it all. Everything. Everyone. Appreciate the time because time is it’s own master. Or rather, God is. Our times are in His hands. I have learned that I worry. I fret. I Brood, bother and fuss. Over anything, everything, nothing and then some! I make lists. Lists of lists I should make! Like a dog gnawing on a bone, I think and think and think of things I need to think! So, I am relearning to lessen my load, lighten my burden by casting my cares, my worries…all my what if’s at my Jesus’s feet. He is the Author and Finisher of this life. There is nothing I could imagine or plan that could compare to His glorious plan for me. Today, I am mindful of how small I am, but a vapor and all that I know will be gone. I am going to be thankful and relax knowing that He has everything under His control and it is all in His time…not mine!

My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me. Psalm 31:15

I am The Great I AMs‘

God is within me

If my time is in His care then I will not fall

Secret Things

Deuteronomy 29:29

The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and our children forever, that we may follow the words of this law

I read my devotional today and it convicted me of my worry and anxiety. As if I can do anything in and of my own. I am going through a difficult time in trusting God right now. I need to stop wrestling with myself, my past, my regrets, I must learn to forgive myself….oh the list goes on. To all my friends and followers who know I have struggled with forgiving my bf, I want to say I have processed my pain and am walking in love again. I have many questions and doubts but I am giving them all to God. I created quite a mess of my life, but I also am deeply in love with Jesus. So, as I go about my day, I let my God figure out my mess. He does work all things out for the good! I study His word and I sing to Him and I am resting at His feet.

I am my Beloveds and He is mine

Song of Solomon 2:16

Motivation Monday

Great difficulties may be surmounted by patience and perseverance.

~Abigail Adams

from Inspiring Quotes:

First Lady Abigail Adams and second U.S. President John Adams were the earliest occupants of the White House. From the start of their courtship until the end of their public service, the couple exchanged more than 1,100 letters. These historical documents verify that Abigail was her husband’s closest political adviser for decades. On November 27, 1775, while home with their children in Quincy, Massachusetts, she wrote to John in Philadelphia, where he and his fellow Second Continental Congress delegates were debating which principles should underpin the fledgling U.S. government. Given their formidable challenge, Abigail offered these words of advice, maintaining that haste rarely fosters meaningful solutions.

Patience and Perseverance

I went to church yesterday with my boyfriend. It was over the top, above and beyond, the presence of the Jesus surrounded me, hugged me and loved on me and yes, He is always here with me I only need to open my heart. I am going to be still and wait on my God. He does tend to wait until the last minute, which is why I call him the ultimate Game Changer, so with that knowledge, I wait. Father, guard my mouth, help me be kind and gracious while I wait for you to answer.

#Bloganuary

What do you like most about your writing?

I really love the way I feel when I write. I feel most alive and empowered when I write.

Myself

“If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.” 

― Anais Nin

I literally have cried and sung.I mean,there are times when it takes you away and your there…in the pages….and you feel the emotions that your putting down. Its a drug in a way. Euphoric.