My Life

So, I already have a page where I let you in on a little bit of my life. I’m not gonna rehash or rewrite anything. This is just gonna be more of the same.I will let you know, I have been in many different social classes, from upper to lower, poor and filthy rich. I have been a punk rocker, to country girl, then a housewife. I had three kids at home using a midwife. I loved the journey into motherhood. I felt for the first time something beautiful about being a woman and having a vagina. Giving birth at home was for me, life changing. I breastfed, no supplementation. I raised three kids mainly by myself. My husband was gone most of the time. I had three kids, under three years old. Using cloth diapers. Having to raise and rear them, also maintaining a small farm, we had a fairly large vegetable garden, then we had seven goats and about 5 horses.. I got up early to milk one goat, collect eggs take care and handle the milk, I had to feed the animals and then get inside before the kids woke up and then make them breakfast. I also started working out at age 29 and before I turned 30 I was jogging seven miles a day at one hour five minutes. I was a focused mother and wife. I was devoted. I wont get into details because my kids might read this one day and they don’t need to hear some things. Well, we eventually sold the farm, one of the kids was very allergic to everything on the farm and was always sick. I will tell you that during this I took the kids to church, my husband was gone so much, that I drank. By the time we moved into town, I had begun drinking every in the morning, and all day. I didn’t get drunk I just took the edge off my loneliness. So on a routine appointment at my family doctor, to get my refills, lab work came back and my enzymes were pretty high. I had developed alcohol liver disease. I was 34. I had to stop drinking. My grandfather died at 42 of cirrhosis, my uncle died at 56, my father died from it as well. Well, my husband wouldn’t quit drinking. That made it very difficult for me. In the early stages of withdrawal I developed hives and would blackout. My doctor wanted me to be under doctors care but I said no, I would be OK. It was hard but I made it. A year of that struggle with my husband drinking in front of me and me occasionally beginning to drink again my husband brought home something that at the time was legal. I was chairman of the board of the yearbook committee and I forbade illegal substances. I thought to myself, its harmless! What a fool I was. Three years later, I was smoking over three grams of it every single day. I was sick if I didn’t have any. Well, my husband and I decided to get me off it. That was the most difficult drug, by far, for me to get off and I’ve been on some pretty serious stuff. I’m gonna fast forward a bit, We got divorced in 2012, we were married 16 years. I attempted suicide by taking an almost full bottle of ativan. I woke up three days later on the tenth floor of mental hospital. My divorce devastated. I was so depressed that I laid there in bed with my kids and just cried. It had to be terrible for them. Anyways, around six months later a friend reintroduced me to methamphetamine. Suddenly I wasn’t crying anymore and I could handle the divorce. I was happy again! While hanging out with my friends I discovered they really made quite a bit of money. I asked a lot of questions and they would tease me and ask if I was a cop. We’d all laugh. They knew I was a housewife recently divorced. I did ask some questions that after I had been in the game awhile, I realized just how much those men trusted me. There are things you don’t ask. I have a lot of tattoos and they are nice. So I look like I am street smart. I will say that everyone said I had street smart, but what I had was manners. I never asked any of those questions to anyone else. I spent roughly 6 to 9 months with these guys and they took my under their wings. Taught me everything I needed to know about selling. How to charge, how to weigh. Have everything ready, don’t be messy,be cool. We sadly parted ways in a not so good way. By then I was hooked on heroin. When we split ways I no longer had a connect, nor could I go to any of his people, even though we too had become friends, You just don’t step on toes like that. Like I said I didn’t have street smarts, I did have good old fashioned manners. Don’t come over unannounced. Don’t bring people with you. Don’t come empty handed. Don’t talk about people behind their backs, and besides, you never know who they know, you could be talking smack about someone in front of their cuz. Anyways I was hooked on heroin and I sold it as well, along with meth. Suddenly I had no connect. I had a few people I sold to but they couldn’t help me. A friend out of nowhere called me and I was upset so she asked if she could help.