Author Archives: Bella Rae

I am relentlessly in pursuit of my best life and hope through these social media opportunities that we can help each other rise up from the ashes

My kids & myself

What are you most proud of in your life?

When my kids were young, between 14 and 10, I became seriously ill with depression after the divorce of their father and me. I soon after became addicted to drugs and ended up in prison. Their father drank a lot but provided a safe home for them to grow up in and they are young adults now that don’t use drugs, they are all in good jobs. They work hard and now that I’ve been out of prison for 4 years, drug free, we have reconciled. I am proud of them. I am proud of myself. I do however, give God the glory and chose to stay humble because life is hard and I’ve been known to make bad choices so my pride must always stay in check lest I fall.

Quilting

What have you been working on?

I’m narrowing this down to quilting. I made a quilt 25 years ago that my youngest has kept. Over the years it’s worn out so she asked me for another. It’s a fun thing to tackle and each stitch I can’t help but think of her. Also, since my other kids might feel slighted, I’m also working on projects for them❤️

Forgetting

Don’t look back, forget it

Let go, let it go and

Don’t look back

Look ahead. That’s all new

Press on, strive for it. Reach

Focus on now, not then

Don’t try to remember, remember when?

That’s been done, it’s over. Finished

This is now. Right now. To begin

Let’s begin Let’s all breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. Now stop. It’s gone. It’s over. Don’t take it back. Forget it …….. stay forgetting

I value being alone

What’s something most people don’t know about you?

I am outgoing, always smiling. I’m easy to talk to and I listen really well. I listen really well because I don’t care to share, I keep my inner being to myself. I prefer solitude to a party. People are surprised when I tell them I’m introverted because I’m so outgoing open and friendly!!

Lazy Days

I do not care for the word lazy. Defined; unwilling to work or use energy. I do, however practice Shabet. I enter into rest, I stop what I am doing, I delight myself and worship my Lord, one day a week. I try, when I have found myself unwilling to work, to make myself get up and do at least one positive thing, example would be, make my bed. I think though, for this prompt, I will ease up and be gentle both on myself and my readers. We need times, days of rest, or laziness. We are a world of constant motion, or news feed, reels, TV, phone calls ect ect. So, I will have to say, that our bodies need this type of day, to truly be unproductive. Renewed, rejuvenated, refreshed and RESTED! This is my short take on what can be a long winded topic!

Daily writing prompt
Do lazy days make you feel rested or unproductive?
View all responses

Learn Who You are

Your ‘Who” is different than your ‘Do’

I am frail, I am weak, I fall short. That, however is not WHO I am!

  • I am chosen
  • I am called
  • I am forgiven
  • I am justified
  • I am loved
  • I am a Royal Priesthood
  • I am a child of God
  • I am the apple of His eye
  • I am alive with Christ
  • I am Holy
  • I am without blame before Him in love
  • I am a joint-heir with Christ
  • I am an overcomer
  • I am a new creature in Christ
  • I am the light of the world
  • I am His elect
  • I am the head and not the tail
  • I am greatly loved by God
  • I am submitted to God

I am complete in Him Who is the Head of all principality and power

This all goes with loving myself, forgiving myself and not judging what I have done, what I may do and giving myself not a pass to mess up but love. Be easy on myself. I am not who I used to be. I do not do what I used to do. I am changing, God is developing in me the desire to live a life worthy of the calling and that really begins with love. If I love, pure love, I forgive others and myself. If I love, I do my best at work, for my supervisors and the company. If I love I let things go that bother me. This is not to become a door mat. Standing up for myself is loving who I am as well as loving myself enough to not let other peoples behavior toward me effect me. This is all new to me, this revelation of loving myself in a Godly way. It is not indifferent, it is being at my core a strong oak! Well, that is all for the day!

Judge Not

Do not judge yourself harshly. Without mercy for ourselves we cannot love the world. — Gautama Buddha

Don’t forget, forgiving yourself includes not judging yourself

So here I am, so focused on my sin, what I think I am doing wrong, that I forget I am loved. That His blood covers me, I am loved and I am loveable! Recently a friend of mine sent me a devotion on judging ourselves. I have a judge. My Judge, my Father, my Redeemer, my Best Friend thought so much of me, loved and loves me so much that He laid down His life for me. There is no condemnation for those in Christ. I have heard this, read this and quoted this to others, fully believing it. About them. Not me! I guess I didn’t really think much of myself. I couldn’t forgive myself. Perhaps in loving myself enough to truly forgiving myself, is key in walking in love with myself. I walk in love with others. I give others allowances for being themselves, I just have had a hard time doing that with myself. Causes a lot of stress! I am on a journey. Ups and downs, mountains and valleys and sometimes I make mistakes. I have really been hard on myself. Guilt ridden. Oh that He loves me! I feel a little more free today. Less heavy.

Facing the Truth

I need to be honest

I was shown something today. I have to take responsibility for my own actions. When you are in a relationship with a controller it is our responsibility to follow our heart and follow what God says. I let my fear of rejection and fear of being alone keep me in an unhealthy relationship. I never said no. What he wanted for dinner was what we had. Where we went was wherever he wanted to go. He even told me one time one of the things he loved about me was that I never said no to him! That eventually gave me feelings of bitterness, feelings of even lower self worth and I harbored grudges toward a man I could have said no to and kept my self respect! I am thankful that God is showing me truths about myself. In this I can change, I can say no and I will in the future!

Revelation

The Word is Truth

When I read this scripture in Psalm 4:2 it jumped out of the page and settled into my heart. It resonated with my soul. I wrote last night about me chasing love in my relationships and they always fail. Love and acceptance come from my Lord and that is where I am right now. I am still mourning the man I love but I know that I am not a failure. I am not a loser. I am not unworthy. I am waiting on God. Everyday I seek His word, the truth about myself. I am redeemed and Jesus sacrificed Himself for ME! I have known this all my life but a deeper truth hit me last night. I have to trust God to heal my knee, to put me into a job that will enable me to support myself and I have to let go of the wrong thinking that has entrapped me, enslaved me into people pleasing and the approval addiction I have lingered in. I am a strong woman, a child of God, I am going to make it and I am going to prosper!

I am not alone

This is my first post in a long time. I am undergoing a transition in my life. I once wrote about my first experience with God at age ten. Psalm 23. I read it and I cried. I knew he was speaking directly to me. Later in life I looked toward men for my approval, for love, for acceptance. I lowered my standards, I did not set or keep boundaries. I ignored the voice inside me that said no. I quieted the voice inside that said, that’s not love. I put men in front of God. The acceptance of the man in my life, his love, was an idol. So, as I heal from my recent relationship I have asked forgiveness from God. He has sent woman to feed me the word and truth. There is a brother of mine that has ministered to my soul and spirit. You know who you are! I am on my way now! I never recognized this pattern in my life before. I see truth now. I have revelation. Thank you Jesus! So, truth sets us free! I am not alone! God is with me, he comforts me, his rod and staff protect me. He leads me beside still waters and has my lie in green pastures. I dont understand or know my future, but I believe truth and the truth, the Word says God has a good plan for me, I will receive double recompense for my sorrow and He will restore what the locusts have eaten, I will have beauty for my ashes and I will not be shamed. I will be a lender and not a borrower! I am on my way! I am excited!