Monthly Archives: January 2022

#Bloganuary Prompt

Write about a challenge you faced and overcame

I have a few but let me think for a minute and I’ll tell you about one. In 2020 I was released from prison. Upon my release I had to see parole and find out about my parole restrictions and requirements. These are them.

  • Stay sober
  • Find a job and maintain employment
  • Get my drivers license
  • Complete a week long class on drug addiction
  • Pay restitution fees

So, here I am, without a drivers license and to get it back I had to pay restitution, $100.00 The class was $100.00 and I had to find a ride to and from work. Let alone, I needed to find a job. These are tough things to accomplish when you have no car or drivers license and all your friends still do drugs and are hollering at you via social media, tempting you to go over and get high, or asking if I was gonna sell again. So I stopped talking to all of them. A few I still talk to today, but its like a Slim Shady slim list. Well, I lived with my brother and mom, my mom drove me to work. Oh yea, I forgot to tell you I got a job less than a quarter mile away. What a blessing! Well, I made $10.00 an hour at a warehouse packing fruits and vegetables for orders to be delivered, so it took a while to save all that money and live . I did it though, so it can be done. I made it work living with my brother and mom by staying humble. Anyway, within a month and a half, I took the class I needed, a week long by the way. Tedious to say the least. Once I completed the class I had to buy insurance even though I had no car, it was just another hassle parole put on you to make things difficult. So I got the insurance. After I got my certificate for taking the class and paid the restitution fees I waited for the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicle)to release me so I could get my licences back. That took a little over two weeks. I started dating Andy by then and he took it upon himself to help me then save and buy a car. Those days before Andy, even when I was with Andy, when I wasn’t with him I was lonely. I couldn’t go see him. He lived in Arlington and I lived forty minutes away. So I was lonely, car less, friendless but not hopeless! I am proud of myself for doing the right thing. I could have just driven and been liable if something went wrong. It was best for me to work hard and truly appreciate the feeling of overcoming an obstacle that was pretty big!

#Bloganuary

What does it mean to live boldly?

”To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”

Oscar Wilde

There was a time a few short years ago, when I was making my living by committing crimes, where I really believed I was living my best life. I lived by a code of conduct, I had my hand in a lot cookie jars so to speak. I multi tasked if you will. Anyway, for a while maybe I was living my best life, considering. I always had lots of cash, I was my own boss. I ran my life like I had a legit job. I called customers and promoted my goods, I had a daily log of what came in and what went out. I took profits from one area and reinvested into other areas of my said liking or interest. I collected on debts or accounts owed and kept client relations on a happy note. It was an adventure. Or misadventure. Reckless is what it was. I wouldn’t want to do it again, live like that but I did do things I never thought I’d do, experienced a way of life that is completely outlaw and made some friends with the oldest coolest cats I know. Real OG.

Now, I have to ask myself, am I living boldly now? No. I am living quietly. I am resettling into life. Readjusting. My boyfriend Andy and I don’t go out a lot. I am trying to figure what to do with my life as we speak, poor Andy, he is trying to give me ideas. Its a lot of work, being my boyfriend. As I reflect on this and realize I could be living better, perhaps I will take a moment now and mindfully look at my life. Where could I improve on something, anything? I have to keep into consideration my knee and leg are still unable to carry my weight, so what can I do? I cant drive yet. Well, I did start this blog, or rather just started paying attention to it. So maybe right now, I am doing the best version available of living boldly. I started writing again. I started playing with graphic art again. I think this mindful moment I just had was very productive!

Attention!!

Considering my current situation, I am living boldly! I am taking risks when I post something I write. I love to write. Right now, this is my best life! I am so glad I did today’s prompt. I wrote myself into my my own truth I hadn’t taken the time to see and I am happy to say, this is living boldly for me!!

#Bloganuary prompt

What are 5 things your grateful for today?

  • My freedom
  • Reconciliation with family
  • My boyfriend
  • My car
  • My job

Is it bad that I am doing this in such a quick, fast and uninteresting way? I am behind and am trying to catch up. Let me move on to the next prompt!!

You

I remember you. Is this trembling from fear, or the scent of you. What do I fear? The loss of you. What fears taunt my mind? The loss of you. Oh my love. I love you so. You. Oh the loss of you. So different do we think and so separate do we love. I remember you. When you kissed me for the very first time. Or every first we’ve had together. I remember you. I am so afraid I’m losing you that….. I’m afraid my fears caught up to me and now I am losing you. How do you stop the past from catching up to you and the future from destroying….. you. Is it true? There is no future there never was a future. Not for me and you. I love you. Every part of you. I never was enough for you. You have every part of me. You. I have to let go Tell me how do I stop loving you. You love how I love you. You don’t love me. I have to learn to forget you. But. I remember you. Where is your mind? Where is your heart? I don’t know anything about you. You are the biggest lie I’ve ever sold myself for. Or perhaps I lost you because I am not meant for you. Did I think this into existence? This loss of you? In your heart I know you’ve set your face to loving me but do you really? You. This trembling for the touch of you. I love you. There is so much noise inside my head I often can’t hear you. I don’t know what to believe. I don’t want to ever lose you. When you kiss me, did you know? It’s always like first time with you? Oh I am so afraid. I can’t image a day without you. You. I remember you. Is this trembling from fear, or the scent of you. What do I fear? The loss of you. What fears taunt my mind? The loss of you. Oh my love. I love you so. You. Oh the loss of you. I remember you

#Bloganuary

Prompt of the day

What do people incorrectly assume about me

We don’t know where our first impressions come from or precisely what they mean, so we don’t always appreciate their fragility

Malcolm Gladwell
“God can save the sinner you are, but not the saint you pretend to be.”
― Anthony Bloom

I had my kids in soccer for years in a small town. At that time I didn’t have as many tattoos as I do now,maybe three less. Still, this one particular game that we had won,the other sides coaches, two sisters, approached our side talking loud about our side cheating. It became loud and the kids were asking what was a cheater. I asked if they could discuss it later, not in front of the kids. The shorter one yelled at me to shut up, and actually said “Shut up, you have tattoos and you look like a whore!’ I mean just like that. I know what your probably thinking. What kind of clothes is she wearing? Well I know I had a pair of capris on and it was summer so probably a tshirt. I specifically remember my hair as in two braid because I felt self conscious wearing them. It was something new, I’m sure the ladies will understand! That created a ruckus with a bunch of moms on our side stood up, shout bitch and yelling at each other. It went crazy. I grabbed our coach, and said please don’t, its ok and it isn’t worth it. I think one mom on our side even yelled someone should kick her ass. I calmed everyone down. I remember just feeling shocked, not outraged. I was more upset when my six year daughter asked me what a whore was. I did talk to the soccer league something or other and he apologized on behalf of the league and told me that both girls couldn’t coach the rest of the year. I thanked him and really only think about when kicking back with friends yelling outrageous and funny stories. That was one on the list. Here’s one more. On this day, I was checking out my purchases and was getting off the phone with my husband. I said something like praise the Lord. when I was off the phone she asked if I was a christian. I said yes. She preceded to then say ‘I didn’t think people with tattoos could be Christian.’ This was my response, ‘ Yes ma’am, I am a christian. I’m not worried about this skin, I get a new one in Heaven.’ I don’t remember everything she said but it really could have set me off had I not known that perhaps that day I could show a person with  prejudices against people with tattoos, a different perspective. I was nice and polite to her. I told her Jesus loves me and I love him.I parted ways with her and I felt joy in my heart. Maybe that day she thought about it. If anything my reaction to that conversation will last. Not all people with tattoos are going to hell.

I put my pictures at the top. This is about my tattoos. What were your assumptions?

Now, I must say, that I am very old fashioned. Old school. Respect. You gotta have respect. When I get in those situations, it doesn’t affect me. That could be interpreted that I let people walk all over me, which I am inclined to agree. So, on one hand I do believe that God graced with humility and on the other, I have stayed in abusive relationship far too long. Perhaps it is a little of both. Well , I gotta go. Im trying to catch up Im days behind!

#Bloganuary

What would you tell your teenage self

If I could go back and talk to my teenage self I would like to talk to my 10 year old self. I would say don’t listen to your dad. Don’t! I would tell her to not destroy her trophies, you deserve them. I would tell her not to push away the good things and people, hold onto them. Your family does not define you. Your unique and embrace that. Embrace all that is you. That day you stopped believing in your gifts and talents, when your dad told you that you looked like a fool on you horse and he wouldn’t take you to the horse show, you have to stop believing that. Your dad was just lazy and he didn’t want to take you. Your gifted. I would tell her to always do the right thing. You usually do but there have been a couple times you missed the mark. Stay on your course. You are worthy, you are love able and special! When you start to get really depressed and you don’t talk or move and you isolate yourself, I want you to get help. Talk to someone. If you don’t talk about what is going on it won’t stop and you’ll hate your self more until you start to hurt yourself. Stay in school. Tell your mom and dad you don’t want to homeschool and mark your own way. Create the life you want. Think about it. Picture it. Love yourself. Do daily affirmations, get them from the Bible, from your head, think of ten positive things for every negative you think. Start your book and never stop writing. Believe in yourself. Say it! I BELIEVE IN ME. I CAN DO ANYTHING I AM STRONG I AM SMART I AM A GOOD PERSON I AM LOVED GOOD THINGS ARE LOOKING FOR ME. Say whatever your next thinks up as long as its good. I know you. I know your ur self talk is not positive but I know you want to be different because your are different People love you. You are a light in this world and you shine!!!