I gave it all away, just to take it all back. I have once again reached into that great lonely abyss, my addiction and claimed it as my own, knowing that it takes all that I have, knowing it is all freely given. I remember walking away but I’m unclear why or what had me look back but I do know that I did. We all have afflictions. I myself have had quite a few. By far the most challenging would be my heroin addiction. My drug addiction is my most painful affliction. How could I have come so far to digress even farther? How could I take ten steps forward and a hundred back? I shake my head, then lower my head, in shame. I can’t answer that, not for you. Certainly not for me. I just know that right now, I am not really living anymore, barely existing in a valley of pain. Sorrow is all around me. Now, when I saw that abyss, it wasn’t sad, it was beautiful and perfect, like it always is, for the first time. Like every other time, I left everything I love for that deep dark lonely painful abyss that is my addiction Once again, It’s sad. Their sad and most of the time I’m sad. I don’t have to ask myself . I already know the answer. I’m not at all who I used to be. I’m not at all who I could be. My personal abyss, my chosen fissure of affliction, slowly over time did bring me down in the chains I myself had offered. It took everything I had and then it did take my life
After Bella 
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